Quote:
Originally Posted by NP_Complete
We met the day after his vacation on a Friday. It was an okay session, but I didn't feel that connection. I was basically running on fumes at that point. After I left, I felt this wave of despair and loneliness wash over me. It was awful. I told him (in the letter) that I had seriously considered suicide that afternoon and night. I decided not to drink that night because I felt like I might do it. Since he read it, he's been saying he can't fill all my needs and boundaries and other things in the same vein. I think he's scared that I'm going to kill myself because he can't meet my needs and he's going to blame himself. In fact, I'm very confident that's exactly what all this is about. I don't know how to fix this. He's actually one of the main reasons I don't kill myself. I don't want to hurt him. What am I supposed to do? I sent him an email to apologize but I doubt it's enough.
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Hmmmm. Maybe, but I hope you can ask him directly about it. Let's go with the idea that it is what caused him to talk about boundaries and needs.
The first thing I thought of was that it scared him, the idea of you actually killing yourself, and why he backtracked a little in what he was saying.
I've talked pretty seriously about suicide with my T, and when she gets really worried she starts talking about me maybe needing a higher level of care temporarily, or going to see my shrink for a med adjustment, but she never backs away. In fact just last session she said she would be devastated if I killed myself. I hear her words but really they have no emotional impact on me, which I should probably tell her.
Anyway, maybe that is what happened, but maybe it is something personal in his life that is affecting his sessions with you.
I hope you can ask him.