I'm exhausted this morning. My daughter woke at 2 AM because my husband's getting ready for bed woke her up, and the noise woke me. I couldn't fall back to sleep.

I took a long run/jog/walk this morning. It's good to exercise, but I think my FitBit is beginning to make me competitive with my brother-in-law, who is one of my friends on FitBit or MapMyRun or something. The thing is lately , he has been going on super long runs, 10 miles plus; I think he ran 13 miles yesterday. I get this competitive streak especially when it comes to exercise and weight and feel bad when I don't exercise that much. I do like my FitBit, and I don't want to unfriend my brother-in-law, he's a good person, but ugh, it's making me want to do that much exercise! I think it comes from the eating disorder I've struggled with over the years (not so much the food & eating now as the invasive ED thoughts -bad enough--, though I do get a disturbing happiness when I weigh less at the doctor).

Now, I am very underweight,partly from ulcer surgery, partly from exercise/manic episedes. When I get manic (even sometimes just hypomanic), I won't feel like stopping what I'm doing and eat. I've had a lot of cycles since February, what with the horrible surgery, bills, and anxiety, change in meds. I wish I wouldn't get so competitive about the exercise when I know logically I do not need to lose any weight.