Applied for some jobs today. Stressing about finances got me motivated even though I am generally feeling apathetic about things. Also caught up with an old friend which was nice. Trying to motivate myself to finish an assignment for a professor. Drank some coffee even though it's a bad idea to stay up late. Also, convinced myself I have been making up all of my problems and it is just because I don't want to face that I am really a horrible person like I was feeling when I started the episode of depression that led to me seek treatment. Like I made up my Lexapro reaction and resulting mood episodes. I dunno I am half worried it's true. Also thinking I want to stop this Lamictal if it is just making me feel bad anyways. Oh well, just going to focus on other things and ignore that thought as it is not helpful either way right now.