My mind is on fire. I have electricity coursing through my veins. Lighting bolts through my brain coming out of my finger tips!

I’ve always been called the creative type. I’ve played in bands. I’ve made records. I’ve recorded and produced other people’s records. I’ve released other people’s records on a record label I co-owned. I’m a podcaster, radio DJ. I make videos. I have ideas. I produce them. Make them come alive.

But I don’t see myself that way. I’ve been in a lifeless black hole for a long time. Wanting to create more, but lacking the muse.

But now, I am creativity in the flesh!

I have been agitated in the extreme lately. I’ve been having the most bizarre dreams of late. I don’t sleep much at all.

Now I have infinity in my head. And I’m pissed off and wanting to create all the things. I’ve waited so long for this. But I can’t reign it in. I have been non creative for so long. And I want to sleep peacefully.

So I drank a metric ton of whiskey, and took some antihistamines. But I won’t sleep well, I know. The fitful dreams will be disturbing.

I have my first doctor’s appointment in two decades next week.

Will I be able to communicate the hell inside me? Or will I be fine then and unable to communicate how I suffer?

Or, am I suffering? Perhaps I am just confused. And silly.