Because I showed weakness and was (rightly) punished for it.

The fact is that I am very competent. However, my older method of communication relied on being self deprecating and pretending to be dumb to get people to like me.

I am angry because now people think I'm dumber than I actually am.

I am feeling the same humiliation I felt as a child. I was pathetic. In that moment of self deprecation, I reeked of my childhood humiliation.

I am giving myself a manicure and planning a sleek outfit for Monday. I am incredibly angry. When people look at me and interact with me they should only see someone in command.

Other than that I am doing everything right. I feel that I have encouraged myself and will continue to make progress.