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Junerain said:
In the movie White Oleander, which I recommend, Allison Lohman keeps drawing a picture of a beautiful woman, yet she cannot for the life of her figure out who she was!!! In the end of the movie, she confronts her mother for the truths of her life that were kept hidden from her......who her father was, why her Mom committed murder,( that's a stretch that one) and then, the name came to her of the beautiful woman she was drawing, she said Mother who's Annie, with long dark curly hair.......her mother admitted to leaving her daughter with a neighbor for ten months while she frolicked on the beach with a lover.......so the lady was a babysitter, a caretaker!! Perhaps you aren't suppressing something good on purpose but you were just so young....you cannot remember....it must feel like, geez, I wish I knew!! At least you know you have at least one good feeling from your past, right? Could you ask your parents for more background on your past? Look through old photo albums? You may have already done that...as you say you have had much introspection, much journaling, and much disclosing......kudos to you for doing all that......good luck in your search, the best search, the ongoing search.......of WHO YOU ARE....................

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a very good point!