Quote:
Originally Posted by Sisabel
Do you find that working through emotional issues has made you less tolerant of others? I’m interested in what others have experienced or concluded.
Cognitively I am really seeing things differently. This has been very recent. I am seeing the mental traps I set for myself and the crap other people do that I get entangled in. It’s like seeing the land mines when I used to blindly walk all over them.
Lately I have been cynical and irritable with people quite a bit. I am sure it’s just a matter of working through old feelings and balancing old behaviors with new ones. I don’t want to carry all this negativity. Seeing things for what they are and being logical about it all is one thing... being angry about it all is not personal growth.
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I so identify with what you are feeling, Sisabel. My heart goes out to you.
Working through your issues from the past and resolving them brings up all kinds of emotions.
For me, because I had always been a "pleaser" and someone who from earliest memory had been taught to never consider myself or my feelings over anyone else, regardless of what their treatment of me was, therapy brought new emotions for me as well. And part of my new internal reactions is exactly what you describe here.
I found it helpful to know that I was experiencing at what I first perceived as negativity towards others was in reality my first meaningful, tentative steps to creating healthy boundries with others. A totally new experience for me, as I have never done so with my past relationships.
I passed through a period of anger and resentment as you described. It was totally foreign to me, as before I had always blamed myself for the actions of others.
I found it helpful to actually embrace these feelings for a brief time. To acknowledge them, to reflect if my newfound feelings towards these people were justified.
And then to let it go.
That takes time. But I have found that embracing all of my new reactions and new emotions is actually a positive experience, as long as I work towards letting any resentment or anger go eventually. That has also provided a new set of guidelines for me that has resulted in letting go of toxic people in my life.
All my best to you.