I really don't think there is anything triggering in this but just in case.

So my T says that its very likely I am Bipolar II and recommended a Pdoc. Ok, no problem there. He also said I could have Borderline Personality disorder. But he said that its difficult to diagnose someone with a complex history like mine. It not that he's a young doctor or anything he has over 25 years or more. So I guess I'm just difficult. I'm not suprised since I confuse myself.

Anyways, I'm just so frustrated that there seems to be no for sure way to diagnose mental health. I change my mind on such a frequent basis and often don't know why.

When T's don't even agree with one another how are you suposed to know which one to trust?

Plus there is the whole issue about chemical imbalance. How can we figure out what happens first? What I mean is that if someone feels bad do the chemicals in our brain change or does the changing of chemicals in our brain make us feel bad? I know that we can't be sure, at least not yet. So its just annoying since I like knowing how things work. I think the answer is actually both. When we feel bad the chemicals change and when the chemicals change we feel bad. The same would go for feeling good.

So that is why therapy always is recommended to go along with medicine since medicine only helps part of the problem. We also have to learn how to manage our emotions so that instead of feeling really bad we only feel a little bad and thus don't change the chemicals in our brain so much that they are unbearable.

Ok, I guess maybe I'm not completely confused but frustrated. Plus, I feel like I understand too much and can manipulate a diagnoses to be whatever I want at the time. I know what they are looking for and know how to respond. I try to be honest but I don't even know how to be honest with myself. I just mean that I have no idea how I really feel. I only know how I should feel.

I feel like I have overthought every part of me to the point of not knowing who I am or what I'm really like or how I really feel. I don't even feel like feeling anything.

So I guess I'm just confused or whatever. I feel like I can understand and empathize with anyone. I can see how people feel and why they feel that way. I understand why people do the horrible things they do and the feeling that go into it but I have no idea what I feel.