Miguel’smom, Miguel’smom, Miguel’smom! I want to be careful with what I am about to say to you. I do not want to hurt you. You have been through so much. So much pain. You are miserable now. Just completely miserable. It is difficult for me to stand by as I watch somebody like you go through all of this.

You do not have the best of judgement. In this state of mind, you are very self-destructive, making yourself even more miserable with your own thoughts. You mentioned very good reasons to stay alive. You mentioned your family. You should of stopped your reasoning right there. After all, what is more important than your family? You need to be there for them, even though at times all it can be is physically there. I am sure you are valued by your family. All children value their mother very much. It is in their DNA. If you were not there for them, because of what you are thinking, that will leave a hole in all of your familys heart that can never be completely filled for the rest of their lives. It would just shatter your childrens life. This can even give them psychological issues that they will have to deal with for a long time. It is quite possible that this would make them as miserable as you are now. Do you want this for them? I think not. You care very much for them.

Get yourself properly medicated. Do whatever you need to do to make this happen. Do not let anything get in your way in accomplishing this. This must happen! More meds? So what. As long as they are working. We are talking that this can literally save your life. Take your medication. Even if you have to ask for someone to get your meds. Big deal. Once you do, and you have meds that work, you will not be feeling this way. Reality would be perceived differently by you. Right now, you are very tenuously connected to the reality around you. I am not talking psychosis here. Meds can help you allot with this. I am sure you will see better times.

Please take this as an effort on my part to help you. Oh yes, I think you should use a sui hot line right now. The worst case is it may not help you. But you are trying. Think of all of this like trying on a dress that you see on the rack. If you do not like it, put it back on the rack. Then try another dress on. You need to try all of this out and more. Keep at it even when it seems pointless to you. There are many dresses for you to try on. You need to get started now.

Take care!