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um. You know. I'm not sure i want him to exist b/c i dont think he can justify the suffering, lonliness, and pain. All the justifications ppl give me seem like excuses. But if there was a god, he'd be caring, forgiving, understanding, a defender, comforting, open to all people without rules, and be a spirit in each of us permeating the world.

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EV, your statement describes the God that I believe in, with the exception of one thing and it might be that I am not clear on how you mean that one thing. Because I believe that God is open to all people. He loves every single one of us. But He has rules, or laws, and He must follow those laws. Still, we have agency and can each choose what we do. If we follow the laws, we can return to our Father in Heaven and continue to progress, but if we choose a different law or no laws, then we will be accountable for our choices.

Much of the pain and suffering that you refer to is the consequence of someone's choice to reject or disregard God's laws or commandments. I'm not saying that it is all fair or that people who hurt deserve it or anything like that. Sometimes someone else makes a choice that hurts someone, directly or indirectly. And some pain happens for reasons that we don't understand and is not anybody's fault, but changing the way that we perceive pain and deal with it, and allowing God to carry us and take that pain from us, goes a long way towards lessening pain, no matter the cause of it. The thing that God can not do and will not do is take away our agency, and that means that people will make choices that sometimes result in joy, but other times result in pain.

I hope this helps.

Love,
Rap