I'm stuck.

My feelings for my SO have been on a relative high recently, as we've gotten better at communicating. However, hanging out with some new friends, it just feels easier to interact with them. That's either because I 1) have been anxious with my bf for so long that it's hard to NOT be anxious/tense around him, even though I've been getting better, and/or 2) his basic communication skills aren't like that of others. I think it's a mix of both.

It sucks. Things were—are—getting better, but it's just a weird time in our lives. He's job-less and never leaves the house and is therefore suffering from boredom and depression, and I need alone time, self-care, and emotional support all at once. I don't think it's good for me to judge our relationship now when neither of us are at our best. I think it'd be different once he is able to get out of the house, which will be soon.

He encourages me to do my own thing, spend time on my own, even though I've had reservations about doing so since I don't want to make him feel excluded. I notice he's been listening to my thoughts and concerns more, which is what I wanted, and it's helping me be myself again.

I do sometimes wonder, and I don't know if this is "healthy thinking" or a sign that I want out, but I want freedom to move around and do what I want, especially since I want a job that will let me travel and move around the country, and I feel like that will be difficult with us. He doesn't like being apart from me while I seem to have no trouble with it.

Just needed to vent. Someday, I'll figure this all out...