Wow, Art--it's like he was just waiting for the opportunity to jump on this.


So your husband throws a toddler tantrum, and it worked. Again. You've decided what it means for the future and made your decision to accommodate him. And again, he gets to not take any responsibility for his life, his emotions, his needs.


Do you not hear his contradictory messages to you: just be happy and make up your mind--but do what I need? And if you don't, I'll make you ultimately responsible by killing myself. "I'll hold my breath until I turn blue." Do you see what childish behavior this is?


I'm sorry, but I don't see any way this repetitious cycle ends until you can declare to him that he's responsible for his life and you will no longer carry his emotional life as your burden. And if it takes forever in therapy to reach that point, so be it. You get to control your life--but that also means you alone have responsibility for your life.


It seems to me that you each spend so much energy shifting your individual responsibility for your individual lives to the other, neither of you are owning your own lives. Which also means neither of you have much to offer the other. And neither of you sound very satisfied with that.