Hello annabelle: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Another forum, here on PC, that may be of interest would be the relationships & communication forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...communication/

You may also be interested in the coping with emotions forum:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/coping-emotions/

I'm sorry you had this unfortunate experience. But I was glad to read you are going to have the opportunity to participate in DBT. You asked about ways to move on from the shame you feel over how you acted in this relationship. To me, from what you wrote at least, there was plenty of blame to go around. It sounds as though the young man you were seeing has some serious problems of his own. And, although he may recognise he has them, it doesn't sound as though he is actively seeking any solutions for them. This is a bad sign in my opinion. It may well be that you did the best you could under the circumstances & have little or nothing to feel ashamed of. But, of course, I understand how these things go.

Here are links to a selection of articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that hopefully may be of some help as well as interest:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/learni...ys-to-move-on/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/let-go...give-yourself/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/shame-...ave-it-behind/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/learn-...give-yourself/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-do-...give-yourself/

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/b...ng-with/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/an-over...avior-therapy/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/12-way...-broken-heart/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/help-o...om-heartbreak/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...ver-a-breakup/

My best wishes to you...