So... I caved today... the stress in my life... I couldn't handle...

Friday night my son stopping by.. and stressing me to out.. and then today.. my best friend...just critizing me...
and then..... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... looking at my teeth.. I realized.. that I have to have another tooth fixed...and it's only been 6 months....

That.. the tooth... did it.... put me over the edge..... going to the dentist.. scares me to death... and yet I can't ingnore it....

my dentist... is the snobs.. of snobs... yet...since... my teeth often can't be numbed... he.. is the only... one.. that tolerates my "wacky teeth"... I think it is due to alters... some can be numbed some can't...

and I don't want to "start" over... counting the days.... again...

sometimes... I just want to curl up into a little ball and disappear... you know what I mean??? the success... then the total failure.. the picking yourself up again.. and trying again...

the loop... over and over and over and over.. and over again....

now I have to go thru sugar withdrawal yet again... and is this worth it... the trying.. and failing.. the trying and failing...

recovery... seems... to out of reach right now....


Gezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... just... let it all go away...