I really hope this goes well for you, Laurie. I came to the same realization for myself, too. My doctor says I'm walking a tightrope without a net, but that's okay. The last six months have been challenging. I could feel a distant rumble when I was afraid things would topple, but I just don't feed into it. When I felt myself on a rapid upswing in mood, I would sit quietly and tell myself to STOP IT (a la Bob Newhart, LOL -- you can Google that if you're not familiar with this 1980s sitcom). I don't have the resources to indulge in behavior that could potentially lead to mania. I'm not funny or entertaining or charming in this frame of mind; I can't write interesting stories or...well, do anything useful. I know the signs pretty well by now.

I actually don't doubt my diagnosis of bipolar. If I practice some self control early on, I've learned that I have quite a few tools at my disposal; if I wait, I won't have that option. For instance, feeling an upswing and going to a noisy bar and flirting with strangers would be exactly the WRONG thing to do. I've also had some depressive episodes looming but did some effective self-intervention. Some people are certain that they can't survive without meds, and I applaud them for being compliant and responsible. If my meds had made me so functional that nobody knew I had a diagnosis, they would have been worth it...but they didn't.