Hi everyone,

So I suffer from commitment phobia. I am a female in my late 20s and
have been talking to guys with the intention of getting married eventually
but I cannot seem to go past 4-6 months of communicating with each one. Whenever it starts to get serious or we take a step further, I start to panic and want to get out of the situation. I did see some faults with the previous guys I had been talking to. Some faults being that they were
living too far, or had habits that I didn't like (drinking,smoking, too flirty etc). One of them was very bossy and wanted things done mostly his way. I didn't find most of these guys attractive anyway. But recently, I started talking to this guy who seems to have the qualities that I am looking for like similar interests, a stable job, decent family. But something seems missing and what I feel is is my physical attraction towards him.. I don't find him to be attractive..maybe just a little bit. I am hoping that his personality can outshine his looks with further communication and that I develop feelings for him since we have been talking for only a month now. Also, because of my commitment phobia, I am having trouble taking things further and whenever I feel a little pressure coming my way, I tend to snap easily with my family members and tend to be somewhat cold when talking to him, which confuses him. This whole thing makes me depressed and I cry myself
to sleep every now and then or try to hold back tears during the day.. When I was in high school and uni and would have crush on a guy and if he happened to like me back, I would back off and get scared. I don't recall any childhood trauma but maybe there were some unmet needs that I am not aware of. Or it could be that I see sooo many failed marriages around me especially hearing about marriage problems involving my siblings. I would like to be with someone eventually but this phobia is really holding me back. Maybe I am used to being on my own and not in a relationship.