I was triggered again (the 2nd time in 3 years) last week. My T told me I am suffering from PTSD, had it all this time, but was triggered. I thought I was better, well he said I was better , but not completely healed. He said I can be, once we desensitize the abuse

Now I am so scared, having nightmares , waking my kids up with my screaming. I just have this heavy mass of anxiety weighing down on me. Scared when the door bell rings (those dang snow shovelers), scared to go to sleep too.

T wants me to file a protection order even if it doesn't go through, but that would mean I would have to come face to face in court with my abuser I think, I can't do that! I am too scared of her. He wants to create a paper trail. A protection order really doesn't work anyways, it wouldn't stop her, to me it would seem to only stir up the pot, make her angrier and more vindictive.

I hate this feeling, this is what brought me into therapy 3 years ago, but I have a new T now and am making more progress with him. But I hate that she can still scare me, intellectually I know it probably won't happen, but my body remembers and is so scared. I just want to be okay, but now I am not too confident I ever will be.