I've never truly had an intimate relationship before. I would really like to have my first kiss, and my first real date, but is it really feasible?

I'm really starting to wonder, now..
The only times I could find a boyfriend was when I was in a relationship. It was hard to find the only two boyfriends I've ever had. Both were long-distance relationship. The first was too posessive, and I ran into my second while breaking it off with him (hard, because of threats.)

My second was wonderful, I think, but he was stuck on some other girl who had been over him. I'm furious when I see her trying to get back with him and him refusing, and then him turning around and thinking about getting back with her after the fact.He dumped me a while ago.

I miss the feeling of having a boyfriend, but I'm getting furious because no one seems to want me except the people I cannot stand. As a general history in relationships, every guy I've liked does NOT like me.

I'm the nice girl. Which is funny to me: Why do guys tend to go for the loud, mean girls? People like me get tossed into the "friends" category, with no chance of recovery. And I guess I'm too nice in my relationships, because it seems like they just get tired of me, whereas a mean girl would string the guy along and would make the relationship last longer.

I don't even know anymore. It hurts to be alone and it hurts to be rejected so often.