Quote:
Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer
It isn't the same for me. When I use to cut myself it felt good. Like a deep satisfying feeling as if you're crushing something really bad. Or maybe kinda like picking a scab and crushing it. When I hit myself in the head it's an anger outburst.
Cutting gave me a quick pleasure, but doesn't last that long. Heading myself in the head never gave any quick pleasure, but took away my depression for about 10 days but that might have been only by luck. I probably just got lucky one time hit myself in the right place.
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I just get drunk when I am that bad. I subconsciously will shame myself. I will do things that shame me so bad if I was normal I would want to commit suicide. I now understand that this comes from my Mother and Brother shaming me constantly during my early toddler years. They did not care about my feelings: psychological and emotional welfare. So I have alters that take the place of my Mother and Brother. Or you can say that subconsciously I have a drive to shame myself. That is how I self harm.