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Originally Posted by Jersey 2.0
I slept weird last night. Also I spent a better part of the night reading very old couch threads-especially the ones where I was in therapy. It was very weird going back and reading about the attachment I had with that therapist, all the anxiety I have experienced due to different things, how emotionally immature I was back then, how distraught I was over the termination, and also getting a little nostalgic. Lots of people who were on the couch back then left. And just generally how much the forum changed. I must say, I certainly reminded myself reading back why I don’t want to be in therapy anymore. I was probably more attached to that therapist than anyone else in my life back then . That was some pretty strong maternal transference going on! Wow! Never again.
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I found it both very interesting and very unsettling recently to look back on some of my old e-mails I'd sent to ex-T and ex-MC. With ex-T (and at times ex-MC), I realized how I sounded almost submissive to her in e-mails, like, as in: "I know I screwed up in e-mailing you, and I bothered you on vacation, so I understand why you wouldn't write back." The difference in my tone of how I write to her vs. how I write to current T is quite striking. Also the difference in how I wrote to current T when I first started seeing him vs. now--not sure if that's more about healthier dynamics in my therapeutic relationship with him (vs. ex-T or ex-MC), my growth in therapy, or some mix of the two.