I have experienced similar situations. I have physically cheated though. This has been a very recent event and I'm still dealing with detaching. I have not spoken to the other man since my husband and I decided to work things out. I was prepared to leave.

Do you have a therapist? My therapist (plus my medicine) helped me think things clearly. I realized I was only thinking about the sex. On my therapists recommendation I started journaling. This also helped. I was able to list the reasons it would never work with the other man in a real relationship and all the reasons I wanted to stay. It hasn't been easy. I have sacrificed some things in deciding to stay in the marriage but that's my decision. I keep telling myself "I CHOOSE my marriage". He's a wonderful man and I don't deserve the forgiveness he's offered. It is total and complete forgiveness with an understanding that if I do it again it will be over.

I also thought the other man was my soulmate. But, with some distance, I realized that was not true. It was the intensity of the attraction and the ability to talk to him about anything, which I had not been able to do with my husband for most of our marriage. But we went into counseling and he has changed the talking aspect. I have been able to say some things recently and he didn't get upset. I am beginning to feel safer in talking to him about things I couldn't before.

I can't speak to your situation but that's mine.