I have suffered from depression off and on for most of my life, although I didn't seek medical help until I was 43. I was fortunate that medication worked well for me and I have been mostly able to cope with it. There have been a few situations over the years that have caused me to go through major depressive episodes again. My youngest child (now 21) was bullied in middle school and became very depressed and anxious herself. We eventually had to withdraw her from school because she refused to go and homeschooled, along with a hybrid school. This didn't work out very well long-term and she ended up dropping out. This was a trigger for me and I became extremely depressed during that time. Eventually, I got through that. Last year my daughter, who had been cutting herself, cut herself badly enough to need stitches and was hospitalized for a week. When she was released, it seemed like the light had gone on for her - She really worked with a therapist who helped her a lot, she got her GED and prepared to enroll in trade school. The school is in another city from ours and she moved with her then-boyfriend. The relationship didn't work out and he moved back and she stayed in an apartment by herself. Let me say, she was doing fantastic in school and was loving it. Then she decided she was better and quit taking her anti-depressants. Unfortunately, she hadn't made a lot of friends in her new city yet and became very isolated. The loss of the relationship, lack of support nearby and isolation really hit her hard. She stopped feeling good about school and said she wanted to drop out.


I have come up to stay with her as she has gone back onto her medication and until she - hopefully - begins to recover. She has cut herself a few times recently, not badly enough to need medical care, but she's done it. She has appointments with a therapist and doctor to assess her condition and medication. Right now, after about 2 1/2 weeks back on meds, it's a step up and step back. Some days she seems to be feeling better, others not, which I guess is pretty normal under the circumstances. She's on a leave from school and I'm terrified that she won't go back. I'm seeing old patterns and frankly, if she doesn't go back, I don't know what she'll do. Move home with her parents and live in her old bedroom? We were so happy and hopeful when she started school here and was happy and was really doing a great job "adulting." Now it seems like everything is falling apart again and I don't know if I can deal with it. When she was younger and going through hard times with depression, she could be very angry and disrespectful and would use it to manipulate her dad and I. I see that pattern again at times. I don't want her to go to school feeling so sad and overwhelmed, but she has too much time on her hands now to go over and over every little thing that is wrong. (Done it myself) There is a significant investment of time and $ in her schooling that will all be wasted if she won't go back to school.


With all of this going on, I have had to take a leave from my job and leave home to live here with her. I feel myself spiraling down into what I recognize as depression - loss of appetite, a constant feeling of dread and anxiety, insomnia. I don't know how to help myself and help my daughter. I feel like I need to be her caregiver now and like a lot of parents, I don't always know the right place to draw the line. She can be manipulative when she is feeling bad and I don't want to allow that to happen because it won't help either of us. I'm frustrated and sad and scared. How do you keep your own head above water when you're trying to be strong for someone else? Looking for support and advice and good vibes Anything is welcome!