I do not have a therapist..... I do jopurnal. But right now I am not motivated to for some reason....

As far as I know my husband knows nothing of my emotional affairs.

This particular guy, it could never work. He is married as well. This is his second one and he has children with both of them. He is much older and I still want more kids.

I think I choose my marriage too, but I am not prepared to give this other man up. He fills in many gaps my husband just can't or will not fulfill for me. I often wonder if marriage counseling is what we need. Like you said, I do not feel safe to open up to him.