too late guys. i pushed. i shouldn't have. Restaurant. Me hysterical inside unable to overtly make a scene. Dead cold silence punctuated by him saying things like how i had taken advantage of him. i didn't want my food but didn't want to explain that to the waitress.. so i forced some down until the shaking in my hands forced me to stop trying to operate utensils. i sat and stared out the window until we were able to leave. i had forgotten my wallet and was afraid he would storm out and leave me there... i know, stupid.

he swore he wouldn't yell at me anymore if i talked to him... but he continued with the wildly inaccurate accusations all the way home.

On the turn of a dime he will start just gutting my character..everything about me.... it hurts so bad.

considering further seperation between us is no longer a possibility. i have not given in.. but i cannot go so far as to deal with attourneys and things of that degree.. it's beyond my ability still. (and no sunrise, you didn't downplay at all... your advice is very welcomed.. i am sorry i did not remember about your H's NPD and abuse )

maintaining "friendship" as far as one can with a serious NPD... i have to do whatever i have to do... tonight... lowering myself into the mud again.. allowing myself to be put down again.. well.. it's no fun.. but it kept me safer i think.

one different thing.. for a brief moment i got mad