Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear
Hi Thirty shades. I used to choose the wrong men for a long time. My parental units lied to me (amongst other things) so thoroughly that I was still emotionally a “child” at 19. I have good A levels and a degree so clearly I’m not “stupid”, but I didn’t experience anything approaching healthy parenting, and I didn’t even have a good, close, honest relationship with a teacher or aunt. The parental units hid the “truth” from others in the “family” also. And I have no siblings  Basically I had no positive role models of how to be a healthy, happy “well adjusted” (whatever that means) “adult”.
I have had some “relationships” with very abusive men. I was engaged to an abuser (who I met at university). But the abuse became so bad that eventually I tried to end it. This is a long and unpleasant story so I’ll just conclude with letting you know that it is possible to have a good loving relationship with a partner .. I’ve been married to Papa Bear for a long time.
Thank you for posting .. please keep sharing here  |
Thank you Fuzzy Bear.
I can totally empathise with your childhood experience. I have a brother but for some reason my mother offered him all the love and always put me down. She lied to me too, about what sort of person I was when I was upset and kept me much younger than my real age. In adulthood she would always throw all of this back in face on a regular basis.
As a result I married an abusive man who used low level violence but mainly emotional abuse against me. I was trampled on while six months pregnant and locked in my bedroom to prevent me escaping. I gave in to his bullying until I felt strong enough to escape.
That is when the abuse escalated. I could not escape it as he became quite sly and the police never caught him. They did believe me as they could tell from my statements that I was telling the truth. My ex called me a mad woman and later joined forces with my father (deeply religious who disagreed with me seeking a divorce to get away from the abuse) and they have turned many people against me. The positive thing is you learn who your friends really are and I have a some really good ones.
All of this makes me very wary of starting again but I do feel a loving relationship would help with a degree of healing. I can understand that just explaining my life to someone would scare most men off. So perhaps I would just be opening myself up to so much more heartache, that I don't think I could bare.
I am so pleased you have found Papa Bear and have his love and support. Did he have any negative experiences from childhood to help him understand or is he just a very understanding person, if you are happy to say?
