Quote:
Originally Posted by SparkySmart
Being helpless is really seductive. I think that what motivates a lot of people to get with the program is being in survival mode: If I don't work, I don't eat and I lose my house. Simple. Also, having the attitude that working is a privilege, not a punishment, and it's just plain GOOD for the soul to make a contribution.
The problem with human nature is that if anyone in our lives will take up the slack, the temptation is almost unavoidable to let them do it. I have a friend whose aunt is very rich and pays her way...bought her a house, car, clothing...so she's demotivated -- how could she be otherwise? For the record, I'm unabashedly envious...her life is so easy! OTOH, I would be a slug if someone did that for me, and my friend isn't a slug. She's loads of fun.  And she's generous and a much nicer person than I am overall.
Have you thought of going to couples counseling? The issues you face are definitely going to require a team effort. |
In complete agreement with everything you've said! I totally don't blame him for wanting to take it easy. I would be doing the same thing if I could. And his health problems are certainly serious-- he really doesn't need to be working right now full-time or doing anything laborious. That being said, I don't really know how to broach the topic with him without it turning in to an 'attack'. I've tried to explain my own feelings as best I can. He sees that I'm stressed. And for a few days, he'll really put in an effort and clean up the house and have dinner ready for me when I get home and be chipper. But then a few more days pass and he gets back in to his slump. I've been waiting for him to get a new doctor here. Its been over a month. He hasn't done it. That worries me because once his RX runs out-- we're up a creek. Things like that just make me want to say "C'mon what are you doing? You've got to do these thing."
Its hard for me to see, too, because he has been such an independent guy. I've been so in awe of his responsible nature since we've been together. But, its like the longer he sits and does nothing, the less motivated he is.
Thanks for the reply. I think it might just be the move that's thrown him off his game. We've both been super stressed with it. But, if another month passes and he's still in a slump, I'm going to have to be more direct with my conversation.
He actually just informed me he scheduled to see his therapist next week as well, so I hope that does him some good. He's going to drive 2 hours back to where we used to live to see her-- but he's going. He hasn't seen her in over a month- so this is a step in the right direction.