I was thinking the other day, and I realized that I have an addiction. I'm addicted to chaos.

Chaos causes me incredible amounts of stress and frustration, yet I can't seem to get enough of it. If I do anything for too long, I quickly become bored and intolerant of it. I grow tired of people as well, and my circle of friends changes yearly. (Especially if I get depressed) I do risky things just because I don't know what the outcome will be.

This addiction of mine drives me crazy because I know that I'm, in essence, torturing myself, yet I can't seem to break it. It's who I am. It makes finding a job I am satisfied with especially difficult.

Currently, I work with mentally ill adults, and I've seen the same problem with people who have extensive childhood trauma. The curious thing is, I had a pretty good childhood. It seems awful to me, but I've realized that the problem was not my environment; it was me.

It makes no sense to me. However, I never had this addiction before I started cycling moods. It's twisted like a person who enjoys depression. (Surprisingly, a lot of people do to an extent - I'm certainly not one of them though!) I'm just wondering if anyone of you share the same addiction.