Ok.

I’ve really been struggling with this and something just clicked.

I wanted to see if anyone could relate to it and maybe have some advice or encouragement.

I’ve come to a really important part of my healing, I believe.

I’ve been stuck for a while trying to sort out a traumatic event. There’s only a fragment that I can visually see and then it shuts off.

I’ve done EMDR with this and a protector part stepped in and shut it down. My mind went completely blank and I couldn’t think during the session when this happened.

It feels like there is no closure for this until the Protector will back up and let me see the rest of it.

So I’m just standing there unable to see past it and other things have come up that pertain to this in other ways.

I do dream and until, I think, this happened I could recall most of them. Some of my dreams have been very vivid and I’ve taken them as part of this healing.

Now. I dream but I can’t recall any visual memory of them. I can “feel” it and my mind goes to it throughout the day but I can’t get to it.

A part of me knows it but there isn’t anything there that I can see or connect to.

My “wait a minute” earlier today made me wonder if it’s a/the Protector part doing its job in my sleep. I am wondering if it’s keeping its vigil and not allowing whatever is there to be processed and integrated.

Does that make sense?

I know that it may be something that I’m not ready for and when I’m ready to handle it, the Protector will, supposedly, let me see it.

That’s fine in theory and when I read it, it makes complete sense. It doesn’t feel very good and I have an analytical part that is mashing it’s foot on the gas.

I hope that makes sense.

Has anyone else experienced a Protector part in the same way?

Thank you! [emoji41]

ETA: I wanted to add that what contributes to the discomfort of not being able to see or “get to” the dream, is that I believe that I’m feeling the anxiousness and other emotions from it but I’m just unable to understand it.