Dear PC,

I need help figuring out how to live my own life, and not live someone else’s. In particular, I am hoping to someday find romance because I enjoy the companionship of females, but I have witnessed some pretty bad relational examples set by my peers, who have frequently used dating and marriage as an excuse to give up their independence.

For example, I have seen so many of my friends suffer and fall out academically at my university or become highly distracted with their jobs because they seemingly added an extra layer of complexity to their situation through dating and obeying pretty much every commitment of their SO. I also left a bad social situation last year when a lot of the friends in these friend groups started dating, they would often completely compromise their unique individualities for their loved one’s desires and interests simply to please them or “go with the crowd”. When one of my best friends from college got engaged recently, he got so absorbed into his new future marriage that he fell out socially and stopped contacting many of our mutual friends. I hope that I don’t come across as making assumptions for otherwise happy relationships but I have seen this pattern with a lot of my friends who have married recently, which is very very concerning to me as a single.

So my question is: how can I achieve a healthy balance between loving a girlfriend/spouse with neither of us giving up our independence, hobbies, or interests?