The margaritas are numbing me even more after that session. I just put on a pot of my lentil thing. Cooking is soothing too. I was rather strangely calm discussing all that stuff with t this evening even though it was so hard, and even though at one point I felt a little attacked. She has my best interest at heart and really wants to be supportive for me and I felt that so strongly overall this evening. I told her I may soon get to the point of being ready to do what she suggested I do. But that I'm just not there right now. H and I haven't talked much since the fight. She asked if it was just words or physical. I was like physical? what? no. it was just him yelling and me somehow managing not to cry and standing my ground at least enough to tell him I'm doing 2 or 3 more sessions including today's.


It has taken me SO long to finally absolutely completely open up to her. Seriously. YEARS. Now that I am saying everything-everything, I'm letting h force me to stop. She asked me what I would say to my daughter if I had one in this situation. I said I would tell her what I can't tell myself - that it's ****ed up and she needs to do what's right for her. I said thank God though that I don't have a daughter because I would probably mess that up too!