Well I cried twice today, once before work and once during the day. I feel dumb as hell for letting myself be afraid of my boss and for my bad social skills. I don’t know what to do.

Some things are unreasonable here but I won’t even allow myself to think it you know.

I wish I were friendlier, that it was easier or more natural for me to banter.

I’ve worked really hard to get where I am conversationally. I just feel really lacking. I feel undesirable, to the core and from the beginning. I feel as if the symptoms of social/parental neglect are resurfacing.

I just feel ugly too.

I might add I’ve been scratching up my arm and it looks really bad. But that would be admitting it’s unhealthy here, when really it’s not. It’s lovely here. I just get triggered by my boss. I’m very lucky to be here.