i am so sorry love... it's a tough place to be. i am assuming you are struggling with depression yes? very tough indeed

i dont know what you know about therapy, etc.. but i will tell you i have felt exactly like you describe and sometimes still do.. and what has helped is trying to help myself. i do that often by reading as much as i can about therapy. Even understanding just why i was so attached helped. i mean think about it.. if you can feel whole in those 55 minutes.. then it is possible to feel whole. There are things you are getting on a deep level that allow you to do it... so, figuring out just what and how to give it to yourself would pretty much give you that voodoo power over yourself.... right? you aren't devoid of feelings which can help you.. you just dont know how to access them as you need them.. that is OK, me too.

i started with reading the Road Less Travelled.. and i also recommend pema Chodron's "when things fall apart."

try writing more about how you feel too...

post here and talk to people..

my T laughed one day because he found himself about to say one of those corny expressions.. you know, journey of a thousand steps begins with one step.. but he stopped and i groaned at him

but it's true.. you are on that journey and have already taken some steps.. look around you and realise you have more courage than most people ever have because you are daring to look into yourself.

"the truth is easy to find, what's hard is to not turn and run away once you find it"