It just seems like you want to stop hurting and you are willing to do whatever it takes. I know I've been there. Just remember that when you are in such desperate state of mind you are very vulnerable and can be easily taken advantage of by anyone who suggests that your troubles could be cured by some hocus-pocus procedure.

I suggest you to just take some time to define for yourself what you want specifically. I know you want to be free and not hurting but that's too general to achieve. Ask yourself what that freedom would look like, what you'd be feeling and doing differently if you were free and go for that specific goals.