Thank you all. I dramatically left the forum because I was hurting. It's my version of running away.

I ultimately lashed out at my friend. I was just so tired of people trampling my heart. I did one of the most hurtful things I have ever done to someone. For a moment it felt good but then I felt horrible.

I would rather fall apart than hurt someone, regardless of what they did. Hes currently speaking to me but I feel like either he hates me or my guilt is so bad that i think he should.

So yah. I give my heart out. It's what i do. The heart smashes are worth the moments you change someone's life or they change yours with a bit of love.