It has been 7 months since I saw him. 6 months since we last texted. This must be the worse thing ever-to miss someone you can never ever have ! Two weeks ago I was doing better. I was keeping busy and not hardly thinking of him. this week I am back to longing for him and it is torture! I think my depression and mood swings came back this week.

It hurts knowing that he probably never even thinks of me and I think of him all the time!! It is my fault for getting involved with him in the first place. I know I shouldn't of but I wouldn't change it. I am mad at myself for getting jealous and possessive and acting crazy (that's what ended it). He is like a drug and for some reason I am having a hard time withdrawing.

I contacted him a month ago and didn't get much back (proof he is done with me). That did not help at all! It was another hit to the stomach but I got better and am now back to hurting. I don't have many or even good support or relationships so it makes it much more harder for me to move on. He was actually there for me (even though he really wasn't). At least I had someone that messaged me every day, someone who thought of me, someone who told me they cared about me. (I have never had that even though I was once married)

I am reading articles on how to get over someone, trying to exercise every day, going on miles long walks. But I hate my home life and work life. I felt suicidal weeks ago. I have no money to get out of my bad situations. And my only friend I have lies to me all the time and uses me to get what she wants. I do everything she wants even when I don't want to.

When I was doing better I wasn't going online, I was staying away from the married men (they want to know what is wrong with me). At work I am frustrated with no pay, and being stressed out and worked to death for nothing. At home it is a constant negativity and very bad for my health and mental state. I am just wasting away. I just want to be able to do what I want, when I want, with no ones eyes on me. I want to just quit life and work. I am controlled by everyone. I need a whole new life. a 180.