Decided to check in as many here "get" what I am going through, at least to a degree. Tomorrow is T's memorial service and I will need all the support I can get. It will be one of the hardest things I have ever done.

I have not stopped seeing EMDR T part of me wants to but I know I can't do this alone. I am still really struggling and she is really helping me get through this. There is a lot of frustration and pain but she is trying so hard. She is very different than T which is part of the problem but also likely will be beneficial in the long run. There are things she doesn't fully understand yet which can be difficult. I had an appointment with Psych Np today. I mentioned this frustration and she completely understands. So I may ask EMDR T if they might benefit from talking.

I still can't believe this is happening. I think part of what is making tomorrow hard is that while I have met T's partner and feel like I know her son, I highly doubt there will be any reason for contact after tomorrow. I feel like they are the only connection to T. Once I leave tomorrow that connection will be gone.