I have been having this really bad idea of finding friends. It really ticks me off since feeling lonely has been a new bad thing happening to me. I haven't dated since 2002 and the last time I had anything resembling a friend was 2009. During all that time, I never felt lonely. I blame my realtor which is a long and pathetic story I have documented elsewhere on this board.

I know no one so I have nowhere to start other than online dating sites that allow for people to 'look for friends'. I liked the layout and how okcupid works.

So I put a little blurb about how I am looking for something to do and talked just a little about me. No picture since that always results in getting ignored due to ugliness.

I am 49 and started with 'looking for 40-55'. Seemed reasonably safe. Problem is, there are not too many people in that age range and most looking for long term. I am not at all discriminatory to keep the numbers as large as possible. If they are within 50 miles criteria + have 'looking for friends' regardless of anything else they might be looking for, I like them. No takers, not a big shock. I figure that I should just send them a message cold and should wait until they like me back. I know that women get drowned with messages and I feel my odds of getting a response back if I could figure out what to write to them.

I have no clue what to say, other than 'hello'. I guess that isn't attention grabbing and normal people might see that as very passive. Thing is that saying hello to someone online or IRL is an extremely aggressive move for me.


So a few weeks go by and nothing. I get to the point where I am day dreaming that someone talks to me and then rejects me and that makes me feel happy because she talked to me. Yeah, I know. I just contacted my interior decorator for some help with custom drapes and blinds, but the main reason is so I could have someone to talk to. She tends to sit and talk to me for about 15 minutes or so after business is done. How pathetic is that? I legitimately need her help, but I had blinds down on my todo list and was planning on getting to it this fall. She is a close friend of my realtor and is just as nice and fun to talk to.


Sorry for the digression. Well, after a few weeks of silent rejection I decide to expand my age range down and up a bit. I am only looking for friends so it seems okay to look younger, right? So I went 30-60. No one at all in the 50's so I dropped it to 30-50. Just tons of people in their 30's on that site. So I went through and accepted the people looking for friends and live reasonably close. I don't really look at the pictures but make a mental note of people that look like they are nice, as if I have that sort of social skills. Still nothing for about a week. Then I get a "Hello, David". I guess it is okay just to say hi?


So I predictably panic big time. I look at her profile and she says she is 34 and is cute but looks young. To my old eyes, she looks 23-25 but I pass for 15 years younger and when I was 34 I easily passed for 20. I got it in the AM and was stressing all day so I text my daughter asking her what to say and just describe her like I just did. She asks for her picture so I send it and my daughter freaks out. She is like "Dad, she looks maybe 18 and I wouldn't be surprised if she were 15 or 16". I was shocked to say the least, why would a kid be doing this? No clue. My daughter sends it to two teenage girls that work for her and both say she is probably 15 but trying really hard to look older.


Okay, that is enough for me I think. I didn't engage her at all so there are no legal issues but that really freaked me out. How can I be fooled so badly? Should I just delete my account and work on killing my loneliness? I have been alone for 16 years and really if I am lucky(or unlucky?) I have maybe 30 years left which isn't that far off. If I can do 16 years alone I should be able to do 30 more.



Both my daughters were shocked that I was even on a dating site. They have hardly any memory of me being married and none at all dating. If that gives you an idea of my pathetic level.


I started this post with the intent of asking how to approach women on these sites and maybe profile help but writing out what happened freaked me out all over again and really makes me doubt my social competence. When I was around 20, I could tell the difference between a 19 and 16 year old but I can't figure out a 15+ year difference? Is that a normal thing for old people?

Sorry if I am rambling, let me condense this to a few questions as a tl;dr

1. Am I too socially exceptional to be having friends? Is ugliness and being boring disqualifying also? What about being morbidly obese? I just had my physical and gained a little weight. I am 5'9" 180. That is pretty bad I think. I never look in mirrors but sometimes catch a glimpse and all I see are rolls of fat.

2. If not, how do I approach women online?

3. Is there a gentle way to meet people IRL? I just can't get myself to join a group where I don't know anyone. I can't even talk to my new neighbors and the only couple that introduced themselves to me without stressing out massively. I mow the lawn in 95 degree weather when no one else is outside just so I don't bump into them and they are really nice people!

If anyone thinks I should keep trying I could post my lame profile for pointers if anyone is interested in helping with that sort of thing. This post is way too long as is.