Every time I have a psychotic episode I start hearing voices saying 'you're a lesbian'. I have been a bit confused when not psychotic to be honest, and I wonder if the voices have real meaning and are trying to tell me something.

The problem is that I reckon overall I seem to prefer looking at women's bodies but prefer men's faces. Also I can only imagine being in a relationship with a man. The idea of waking up next to a woman and having a cuddle feels like a mother daughter thing and that is just strange to me. I don't know how it feels for a lesbian to wake up with a woman.. I guess it's like I feel with men, secure and safe/happy.

The other thing is I have never had a crush or fancied a woman in my own life, but I tend to see more famous women who I think are attractive than I do famous men. In real life I tend to notice men more and more instantly, and I don't have any interest in taking it anywhere if I think a woman is pretty. But still if I think women's bodies are overall more attractive, doesn't that mean I am a lesbian? I have read as much.

Woman's genitals don't hold any appeal for me, but then I am not a fan of men's much either. When I have had sex with men it has almost always been painful, and I have arousal problems. I have been on antidepressants since I was 17, and am now again on antipsychotics, so that might be related. But I wonder if the reason I don't enjoy sex is because I am a lesbian and have just never tried it with a woman. Ultimately though I can't see me having any kind of serious relationship with a woman, as it doesn't feel right for me. But could I still be a lesbian but not have romantic feelings for women, only for men?

Also when I was psychotic recently I came out as a lesbian to a few people, even though I have never loved a woman or fancied one. I guess with the psychosis and not thinking properly because of it I convinced myself I was. But I could just be fooling myself. Maybe I am and I just haven't met a woman I like. Either way it has been spread about that I am a lesbian, and it isn't psychosis; I had that confirmed to me today.

Does anyone else get more confused about their sexuality when they have psychosis? I would love some advice as to this sexuality problem.. it does annoy me a lot.. and I can't be with a man now anyway since it has been spread about that I am a lesbian, and no one would believe me if I said I wasn't anyway, after saying I was to some people. It is not the sort of thing you say and then take back.

I am not really interested in a relationship with anyone anyway, so is not a big deal if others think I am a lesbian. But if I am a lesbian I would rather be clear on it, so I can move on with my life. I don't know how I can be the age I am and not have known, but there has always been a bit of confusion.

I hope I have not offended anyone with this post. Apologies if I have..