Ah, your T being away could have something to do with it and the worst case scenario thing. Fearing she'll change/be different/unrecognizable; I use to do that all the time. Too, with your views on healthy living; could be your anger at her for going away? The worst case there would be you wish her "dead"/unhealthy, like toddlers will their mother when they don't do what they want (your mother never came when you were crying/wishing for her)?

I remember once when my T told me she'd be away (she always had to give me a big lead time of several weeks so I could process it -- we had a year and a half lead time to termination :-) and I was fine in the session but then when I left to go home, I saw her car in the parking lot on the way to mine and instantly thought of slashing her tires and was shocked at the thought but realized where it came from and then it was kind of funny since I'm so not a tire slashing sort of person.

If it were my dream, I'd feel reassured that I was thinking it was okay that T was different as I walked around my home town. I'd be thinking that I, myself, am dealing with whatever the situation is and I'll be okay with whatever happens, that I can "take care of" myself (important for me when my T was away).