I went to therapy, for many years, with many different therapists. I "believed" in therapy for many years and in the eventual success of the process. It gave me hope. It was, as was referred to in another thread, a way for me to try to take responsibility for my life -- ironically, by handing it over to the therapists and therapy establishment. Which I now see as badly misguided but well-meaning and due to the lack of a mature, coherent sense of self, which is a condition that I went into therapy with but could not see, because it was the way of life and adaptation that I had.

So, eventually, determined to push forward with the last therapist, I triggered something in her which led to a rupture without repair. She said that she did not have the emotional resources to continue therapy with me. She did do research and talked to a couple of other therapists and gave me a referral, so her behavior was within the bounds of the professional ethics, I suspect.

But personally, interpersonally -- I experienced it as, and I believe it was, a betrayal. An abandonment, because she didn't have the resources. But an abandonment nevertheless.

This eventually triggered the long-dissociated rejection and abandonment terror from my early life. It was a "reenactment". But left me still alone, and without emotional and social resources, again, still.

Yes, I have some insight maybe after all this experience. But I'm 71, my life is almost over, there has got to be a better way.