I am sorry for all you've been through but I am glad you will have the chance to attend the memorial service. In the Jewish tradition, we line up to scoop dirt with a shovel into the grave, as the last thing we can do for that person. Funerals or services are thought to provide resolution to the grieving and that's why supposedly every culture in the world has them.

It has not been my experience, especially after my spouse died, that my connection to people has died with them. The connection lives on internally, continuing to nurture me in ways I didn't anticipate. I think that's in part how you know you had a bond with someone, and this sense of connection emerges in little and big ways at many unexpected times.