I am not going to speculate as to whether you were abused and I am not going to speculate as to a diagnosis for you either. I will say that intrusive, unwelcome sexual thoughts that gross a person out can be part of an anxiety disorder (such as OCD) and not necessarily related to abuse. If you want an example of that in literature, JK Rowling's A Casual Vacancy has a character who suffers terribly from this type of problem. (TW for very upsetting content, abuse and violence in that book).

The pertinent point here is that the book character feels so guilty about having these terrible intrusive thoughts, as though he's a perpetrator, when he has in fact never perpetrated a crime at all. Having upsetting or intrusive thoughts of being sexually inappropriate doesn't make one a "pre-perpetrator." A possible history of sexual abuse is a separate issue, but one that deserves attention in its own right.

All of it deserves to be explored patiently and nonjudgmentally with a competent therapist who doesn't leap to conclusions. Of course you want to know what happened to you. That makes so much sense. A competent therapist will help you figure out what can be known and make peace with what cannot. If you speculate together, you will both be clear that you are speculating. A good and ethical therapist will never rush to fill in the gaps with discredited treatment modalities to "recover memories."