Lately I've been realizing that I'm very out of touch with my bf... I think it's a result of not talking to each other and having genuine experiences. I'll explain:

We used to:

1. sit down and just talk, or simply enjoy meals together
2. walk around together
3. listen and talk about music together
4. go out more
5. be more interested in each other's lives

Now, I realize that

1. just sit and watch tv when we eat
2. don't simply talk or walk anymore
3. rarely talk about music or our interests (and some of this is because my non-romantic life is going well, with work and my friends, but I hate rubbing things in when his life is at a low right now!)
4. don't go out on dates as much (money's been a struggle)

What I struggle with most is, how did we get here? Some of my theories include:

• moving in together too early. we did it only after a few months of dating each other, especially since SO convinced me that we were compatible enough to do so. I was in a situation where I could move out of my current place, and since he had moved to be with me, I felt compelled to help me establish a life here
• we started dating while young, and sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had waited? I had done next to no dating before meeting my current bf, and now, two years later, I'm living with him in another state! It might be more commitment than I was originally willing to make, and I'm just realizing this now.
• life got pretty rough for me within 5 months after dating him. I still struggle with unhealthy attachment styles and abandonment issues and trying to please people because of this.
• there have been some "hiccups" in our relationship, mostly with him going into silent mode. Last year I was still struggling with these events and wondering if he was really the right "fit." A couple mushroom trips throughout the year later, and these feelings have amplified. The last trip I was on, I was seriously considering if he was good for me or not.
• When the first signs of our incompatibility came up, I either tried to accept things for how they were, or try changing myself
• thought distortions. Many times when we disagreed or we offended each other, they would stay in my memory as negative experiences, and I got really fixated on those. I struggled NOT thinking of my partner as critical or uncaring, even though he's shown me that he's open, honest, and thoughtful.

My bf has been actively changing for the better, trying to be more in tune with how I'm feeling, and encouraging me to do things on my own/with friends. Or if I'm around him, he asks what I want to do.

Sigh... and to be honest, I do this with everyone. I have terrible social anxiety and think "everyone's out to get me," that I have the potential to disappoint anyone, or that people are looking for reasons to criticize me. I do this with my closest friends, and I have done it with my bf, which has led to me not being comfortable with him.

Another thing I should point out: throughout this thread, I've made it sound like my bf and I have no chemistry, don't get along, or don't mix well. My problem is things USED to be like that, and I'm starting to understand how things got as bad as they are. Unfortunately, things are so bad right now that I hope I'm not futilely trying to put it back together. At the same time, I want to feel connected to him. Ignoring all of the drama, we are pretty compatible, share so many common interests, and enjoy being around each other.