Quote:
Originally Posted by tomatenoir
I obviously recognise that people can feel abandoned even if they've been given years of notice. And I'm not naive enough to assume all therapists behave ethically.
But at some point, you recognise that you'll sometimes have reactions that are disproportionate (valid, but disproportionate) to somebody's very reasonable actions. (Like feeling abandoned by a therapist who has given you notice and referred you on.)
It's not realistic to expect the world and everybody in it to stay static to spare your feelings. It's not realistic to expect a relationship to be pain free (though a good therapist will try to minimise this). This is what Budfox seems to be advocating therapists do and why I find his argument, well, silly. If a therapist did this, they're not helping their client deal with the real world.
I don't think you can wave to this forum as evidence of anything. A forum like this is going to attract people who have strong views on therapy, have had very good or very bad experiences in it, or who are deeply interested in therapy generally. The average forum member is not your average therapy goer.
And I still don't think Budfox has answered my question. Why does he berate therapists for setting up non-natural relationships with clients, but also expect them to create this impractical lifetime "I'll never ever leave or change" relationship?
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What I was trying to say is that therapy in its essence makes people dependent. It doesn't matter whether you're a "good" or "bad" therapist. The only difference is how clients approach therapy. A lot of therapists subscribe to the idea that the "relationship" heals, that there needs to be a bond between therapist and client and in order to do that, they encourage attachment, consciouly or unconsciously. It's all on their websites. So it's no surprise that so many people feel abandoned after having been fed this illusion of a perfectly attuned person who cares *so much* about you and then boom! the therapist moves away/retires or simply grows tired and it's bye bye. And a lot of therapists are not clear about this: either because they lack self-awareness (pretty ironic) or because (more likely) it feeds their ego. Having said that, I know several people who have been to therapy (my girlfriend included) and who never experienced any of this dependency and abandonment feelings. Their experience was a big ol' "meh" (sometimes useful, mostly pointless). But they were not isolated, didn't go to therapy to be reparented or because they had trauma. So I'm certainly not saying that everybody experiences this. But it's always interesting to me how people dismiss this forum as not being representative. How would you know? Also therapy should be safe, if it's incredibly painful like a lot of people report on this forum, what is the point exactly? Except adding more stress and problems to your life?