reason that affects me most:

my future kid: mommy what are those marks onyour arms?

me: erm, nothing dear.

my kid as a teen: well its ok for me to do it mom, you do it too.

guy i date: what the F*** are those?!

me: erm. nothn. sorry.

friends: how bout we go to the beach?

me: erm, no sorry cant, i, im on.

friends: your always on...

im screwed.
i really am

these scripts are the ones that played in my head when i thought about the future.

what the hell do i do about the scars already there.

how do i do the job i wish to get without triggering my own patients? wow
erm
erm
erm

so much to think about so many excuses. so much lying.

i want to love me.
noone will love me till i love me.
bah