It started 2 years ago start with incestphobia . I didn't know what the word incest was before watching incest porn . Somehow i really liked it too . And started thinking
that i am an incest myself which is pretty ridicilious to think that if you ask me . I said nope to myself and left it behind . But what happened in the
next day made me go crazy . I was sitting on a couch and my mom was standing up . I wanted to get a hug (I hug my mom a lot because for some reason i feel
like i'm in heaven when i do it) and she gave one . It reasulted me faceplanting in to my moms breast and BOOM , i get a split second turn on and then gone
I disgusted myself , wanted to die , left in depression . It was so bad that i couldn't stop thinking sexual things about her . I wasn't wanting to have
those thoughts . And everytime i thought about it i said YOU'RE DISGUSTING , HOW COULD YOU , STOP IT . I've told this to my mom while crying . She said
that i am not a guy like that'll think like that and it's normal to have those intrusive thoughts . We got a professional help . I used anti-depressants .
My ego which was very big but not big enough to hurt people died . At the end i convinced myself that i got that split second turn on because i
faceplanted a womens breast . Started not hating myself for the intrusive thoughts (which i had before the faceplant but didn't care because i wasn't
attracted to my mother) and the reason why i liked incest porn was things slowly developing which is the same thing when you have a sex with a friend
which i find very hot (but watching incest porn always felt weird while watching) . Then POCD happened (or i think it is) so i was browsing the internet
and saw a video called every Kanna Kamui's OH . If you don't know who kanna is she is an anime character which is a child who has thick thighs and in thigh high socks .
I have a kink on thigh high socks so as long as i saw her first i thought was sexual things about her which didn't aroused me so i didn't care . On video comments everyone
was saying ravioli ravoli don't lewd the thicc dragon loli and on the replies there was an image link . I thought it was some kind of a meme and clicked it
It was a nude drawing of Kanna . I was in shock and stared blankly at the picture for 5 seconds thinking why would anyone do this . Then i realized i have a boner
with a little turn on . I questioned myself for good 2 months I didn't hate myself because i've experienced it before on incestphobia .
I had that same weird feeling at watching incest porn everytime i saw kanna somewhere aswell . So i knew that i was not a pedophile . My doctor said that i am not a pedophile .
His defense was i wouldn't feel ashamed if i was a real pedophile . After around 2 months later everything went extremely fine . I wasn't feeling the weird feeling when i see kanna
or while watching incest porn , my ego was on point . I was better than before . I've passed all the test he wanted me to do for me able to stop using medicine anymore .
And i wanted to do a test for myself aswell . When i came home . I was gonna look at that kanna's photo , fully watch incest porn and think sexual things about my mom to
ensure that i am completely clean . First i opened up the kanna's photo . Not gonna lie i was so scared that i am gonna get a boner or turn on . Which what happened .
I viewed kanna's photo and got a split second turn on then gone . After looking at that i didn't even needed to watch incest porn because i've had weird even from the title .
My ego is ruined again , i want to die again and i am disgusted by myself again . I can't even think of having sex with children . WHY DID I EVEN GOT A SPLIT SECOND TURN ON
My only defence is that i was either scared or suprised on every turn on i've had .
Please don't tell me i'm a pedophilehttps://forums.psychcentral.com/ocd-trichotillomania/518911-am-i-pedophile-just-pocd.html