Hello, Psych Central.

I’m generally a quick responder when it comes to something of my concern; my mother is quite the opposite. She does not respond to issues fast or efficiently. I wouldn’t like to call her slow or say anything rude about her but she rarely helps me with my issues. Anytime I have a concern, she answers it with a guess that will get me away from her.

I can tell that there is definitely something wrong with me & I’m pretty certain I have Borderline Personality Disorder & other problems, such as depression or anxiety. Some of my issues are that I can’t focus on things that even interest me entirely or feel like my purpose in life. I have trouble feeling anything at all sometimes but I will often get bursts of raging anger or sadness. I often feel a prickly needle or itchy feeling all over my body when this happens, like I’m wearing a cactus over my skin. I have urges to hurt people, verbally & physically, around me when the feeling occurs.

I’m not looking for much comfort or emotional support, even though I don't get much. I just want some advice on how I should act on this issue. I really wish I could seek a therapist or have a brain scan done on me to see if there is significant damage, due to the intense striking I’ve done to my skull. I used to slam my head into brick walls & the hard spines of large books when I was upset. I’ve also had blows to my head from impacts on the ground & wall when I was abused or bullied before. I have had a nail puncture the skin on my upper forehead & cause blood to gush out over my face, covering it in complete red; my mother’s boyfriend responded to that injury by asking me to wipe it off & he used a flashlight in my eyes to prove I had no concussion. I fear that I will soon be in the mindset where I don't wish to seek help anymore. My mood & perspective on things often change very quickly. I won’t give details on this certain issue but I feel that, if I don’t get help soon, I may viciously harm people or myself.

My mother’s main concern is that the medication won’t help me & that it will mess me up more or that I’m being a foolish 15-year-old who is unsure of my true condition, which may even contribute to my low self-esteem.

I have interests in psychology, biology, neuroscience, computer science, programming, mathematics, physics, astronomy, cosmology, quantum mechanics, machine learning, biotechnology, bionics, chemistry, & many more fields of research. I doubt any unintelligent person would hold such interests & I am upset that my mental health is restraining me from accomplishing or pursuing even a single goal of mine.

Thanks for any advice you may be able to provide.