Hi! I don't post much here, I'm on the schizophrenia & psychosis and bipolar forums quite a lot though. But I thought this was the most appropriate place.

Maybe this is a sort of a declaration of my decision, my view about my therapy and what I want from it. May be triggering, as it was quite triggering for me but I needed to vent.

So my parents don't really "believe" that I'm psychotic. That I need therapy to get better. Last night my dad told me that my delusions might not be delusions.. Just misconceptions or misunderstandings.

First of all, I did not ask to be this way. I'm not proud of what I have, I want it to go away.

They want confirmation from an another pdoc.

Today my dad called one, and I had to talk to this person on the phone, and it went fine until the call was over and I broke down crying for an unknown reason. He told me that he doesn't want any patients that do not want his help, and that I can't come if I'm there just to please my parents.

I told him that I wasn't, but later, hours later, I realised that actually I was. But I didn't have to.

So I decided, that this is my treatment, and I can't handle looking back into my past with a stranger again. It's no use, I see nothing wrong with my current T. She knows a lot about me, a lot that I would have to explain to the new T.

Seeing the new T would cost a lot of money. And I couldn't afford to see him for several times. My current T is free for me, and that's alright. I'm not the type of person who thinks money matters...

But one thing I am sure of: I will get better, I will pull through this. I don't need to convince my parents that I'm psychotic, though they feel responsible for me. The best they can do is support me and my decisions.

That would be really helpful for me.

If anybody sees my current mood as "gloomy" or "pessimistic", it really isn't, I'm feeling exceptionally clairvoyant. One day this all will be over. I just want the symptoms to disappear, but I am willing to wait.

to all from Katie.