Let me start by saying that i am a 18 years old hetero male and i am suffering from these thoughts since 2 years . It all started with me
faceplanting to my moms breast get a split second turn on . I felt disgusted by myself , wanted to die , thought that i don't deserve
to live or even go to heaven . I thought i belong to hell . I always tried to check if i get turned on by thinking sexual thing about my mom and
i felt disgusted by myself more and more . But i've left it behind when my doctor said that it's normal to get turned on because i faceplanted to
a womens breast and my body reacted to it . Then after suffering these i started thinking that i am a pedophile . It all started with me getting
sexual thoughts by a child anime character whos name is kanna kamui . She has very thick tihghs and wears thigh high socks . Let me say that
have a kink about thigh high socks . It all happened again . Disgusting myself , thinking i belong to hell , and not wanting to live .
I always checked her pictures to see if i get turned on or not . Which i didn't . My doctor said that i am not a pedophile aswell
and suffering from POCD . So with that i always said YOU'RE NOT A PEDOPHILE to myself . I didn't get any intrusive thoughts about having a sex
with children so that helped me aswell . And yesterday i've gone to my doctor saying that i am not taking medications anymore and i was feeling
great . He did some tests on me and i've passed all of them . I was happy , better than before . But that day i said okay i am gonna look at
the pictures of that child anime girl and think having sex with my mom to see if i get turned on or not if i don't then i'll be happy forever .
You know what happened ? Split second turn on both of them . Now i want to die again . I don't want to accept that i am a pedophile nor incest .
Now i check pictures of that girl and think sexual things about my mom to see if i get turned on but i don't . But why did i felt that split
second turn on ? Was it because i was scared that i'll get it ? I am not seeing myself having sex with my mom even if it's possible .
I am not seeing myself having sex with children even if it was ok and legal . I don't fantasize about children nor my mom . I don't get turned on
by looking at a children . I can say that they look good , their legs look good . But not in a sexually aroused way . I just ask myself that if
their legs look good or do they look good and say yes or no . I don't fantasize about their face or get romantically aroused by their face .
Am ı a pedohile and incest or is it POCD please help me ...