Quote:
Originally Posted by SalingerEsme
This all makes logical sense, like the over -intellectualizing defense I favor to which my T objects  . What's missing is the unconscious , mirror neurons, attachment theory. . . The art of therapy and the science of therapy. When the therapist says" Stay the course with me, I will be right with you, right by your side, trust in me, I will not let you down, you are not alone. . . These are the words of love, even if not the context of it. There's some aspect of connection that exceeds the description below, in which you imply that any credulous grown up knows what therapy is and should take it in stride if their therapist moves to Chicago or India, dies, takes a new job, or plain old doesn't like you any more . |
Hi Esme,
Ha, count me in as a member of the over intellectualizing club! But in my defence...
It's not that I don't see these things, just that I don't think they come into play here. The OP has asked us to define abandonment from a T. They haven't asked: "When do you feel abandoned?"
It's interesting that you say I expect everyone to have an adult reaction to difficult feelings, because this is what my T has pointed out I do to myself, and what we spend a lot of time working on. It's a weakness of mine and it's entirely likely I'm blind to some of the nitty gritty nuances at play here.
But for what it's worth, I would never expect someone to simply keep calm on and carry on if they lost their T. If my own therapist moved on, I'd feel quite sad, have feelings of loss, and most likely feel rejected and possibly even abandoned. But I wouldn't describe this ending with my T as an abandonment, short of him texting me to not bother coming in next session.
I strongly disagree with you that "I will not let you down" and "Stay the course with me" are loving statements in the context of therapy. I actually think they're signs to get a new therapist. The first statement is impossible to follow through on, because the therapist is human and will most likely fail to get it right at some point. The second point implies the therapist can navigate a client's problems (unknowable) and that the client should trust them, instead of giving space to the client to decide whether a T is trustworthy or not. Some clients are vulnerable and will ignore inner alarm bells when a therapist makes a statement like this. That's a dangerous thing, because not every therapist is ethical.
I once told my therapist I didn't fully trust him (or anybody). He didn't give me platitudes or say, "Believe in me." He simply replied that I must be in a place where I'm still judging his trustworthiness, and that's OK. Looking back, I'm glad he gave this answer - - he gave my own instincts and feelings space.
I don't really understand what mirror neurons have to do with defining abandonment, but I'd love to know.
@Budfox. This whole exchange is deja vu for me.
1)I write a reply to something you've written.
2)You accuse me of being disengenuous.
3)I ask you a completely valid question.
4)You say I've created a straw man.
5)You rage against therapy.
So I'm going to enact step six and say, "I'm not going to get anything out of a discussion with you, so let's park it here."